Shortest day again, my how time flies..
Yesterday was the culmination of the Concerted efforts of a local doc to put me under the ..almost proverbial knife so to speak. Albeit a colonoscopy.
Yours truly had mightily resisted such efforts Previously
to Whit. the last four years and some.
The aforementioned gentleman had read a short essay, ..ok, it was a skit via a now defunct website..on this particular subject, and its author had just undergone this very same procedure.
The trouble was, it scared the crap out of me, to say the least.
Phrases like..firehose..to describe the diarrhoea which was induced by the stuff they give you to swallow, which induces this very effect.
and..if this stuff got loose, you’d have to burn your house
wish I had it in front of me hey, I could do it justice..ah, here it is http://forum.woodenboat.com/showthread.php?88793-Dave-Barry-s-Colonoscopy
Brilliant hey!
Anyway, this time the doc ..again.. reckoned you’re a long time dead, and bowel cancer is 100% curable if caught in time, and 100% fatal if not, and similar words of ..encouragement maybe, the Billisaurus wasn’t overly fussed about it. The HoneyBun says stuff like..youre not losing weight, and you look ok to me, and, most importantly, she had undergone this procedure a lot of years ago, and said it was no big deal..even though the soup kitchen reckoned a mate of his now had a ..one of those pouches to collect what usually comes out naturally, on account of a botched colonoscopy.. So he shrugged, said awlright.
okay. Cost went from..only 650$ bekos you haven’t got health insurance, to..its 850$, he hasn’t kept up with the price increases..I say..lotta years not paying for health insurance equals a fair few dollars saved over the years, now you can afford some procedures, being waaay in front eh.
Three days before, the Diet starts…no fibre, which helps a guy keep..regular, if you get my drift.
Suddenly things weren’t..progressing, and..few teaspoons of epsom salts was the h’official recommendation under these circumstances.
Didn’t happen. Bowels used to being kicked into gear took a while to take up the slack eh.
Keep in mind this image of the firehose though..bekos I did. The first bit of preparation I took was…on the throne. As you do. A period of waiting ensued, until it became clear that this action was a bit..early on in the piece…precipitous, ..unnecessary even. However, in my defense, I didn’t want the image of me dashing to the throne room leaking everywhere, with only one hand to spare to open the door..burnt into anyones memory. Eh.
Took half hour or thereabouts, and it wasn’t suddenly vital or necessary to ablute then and there..I guess those days were long gone, and the powers that be had all conspired to make the whole operation as painless, and I guess..dare I say pleasant?..as possible. The term uncontrolled was no longer applicable. Thank goodness, there is a god after all.
No solid food since noon the day before..clear soup was good instead. Stacked full of goodies. Waking up at 2am to take the last bit of the preparation..so so. Getting the last bit of stuff out..so so. Trip to the Endoscopy clinic..so so..Birkdale it was, even though the soup kitchen was determined to go to Cleveland instead..but bless him for driving my honeyBun and yours truly to the big event… we got there. all went smoothly, last thing I remember until I woke up was the anaesthesist saying this will sting a bit..injection into veins on back of hand…
Here we are, solid food again. Meusli! Now, the honeyBun had great fun at my expense, relating at great detail about Her Next Blog. About how the 21st of June was going to be remembered henceforth as..shitters day wazit? Something like that. Oh, all good. Coupla bits to the pathologists, final review when I get up the nerve to front the doc again…(just kidding)
Ah! just made the connection, not the shortest day from now on, it’ll be the shitters day 2017..sigh! Think I’m stuck with that one..